How you define Happiness?

After a long boring class of philosophy I and all my friends gathered as usual at our favorite spot. My friends got busy sharing jokes and laughing about something when one of my friends called my name. I realized I wasn’t very attentive and they were concerned. Somehow I found myself still stuck in the lecture of philosophy.

All the laughs died instantly and everyone was staring at me now. With a little hesitation I asked what do they think about this philosophy class?

At which Haris said carelessly, “Philosophers are mad, how can one define happiness?” Everyone else chuckled and shouted excitedly in agreement.

“What is happiness?” I quickly added looking very serious and staring back at him. There was a small pause as the noise died once again. It became an entirely dramatic moment.

Haris smiled brightly and said “Football.” I liked his clear mindedness and that he was very specific. He also didn’t take much time to think which was also appreciable. 

I nodded pleasantly and asked the same question to the person sitting next to him. We were sitting in a circle so it was easy to get all the attention I needed.

I asked them to be quick and to give one word answers. They all started to answer whatever came to their minds on hearing the word happiness. The game raised their interest level and everyone got excited to contribute.

Some said success, love, care, work and the like. The circle ended and I had a lot of different answers and information to assess. I wanted to work on the difference between what people think happiness is and what actually happiness is. Before I could do so, one of my friends asked me back, “What is happiness?”

I wasn’t expecting this so I stopped to think. How come I didn’t see this coming? Laud hooting began since I was taking time to think. They all started shouting in objections, and reminding me the rules of the game. I grinned at their objections and immediately shouted back “FRIENDS!” That was truly the first word that came to my mind as the definition for happiness.  

There was again a long but comfortable pause and this time all my friends were smiling back at me cheerfully.

This topic interested me so much that I went on asking many people to define happiness.  After a long period of personal interviews of random people I have found no one knows what happiness actually is.

Happiness is not a feeling it’s an energy. Happiness is the light, the hope, the energy that illuminates you. No one can be the reason enough for your happiness except you yourself. There is no other reason for your happiness.

The demon is always an outsider, don’t let it enter and dull your light. Only you can throw this demon out who sits there and laughs at you. Making you believe that it will stay with you permanently. The only thing that is permanent in you is the light. This light is there inside you and it’s been there all along. This light is strong and bright beyond your imaginations. Recognize the light in you today, and let it take you higher for the rest of your life. On one else can do it for you. The happiness is you yourself. 

Meeting our Sixth Sense

It was beautiful summer twilight; Saba and I were having a great time up stairs on the roof of my house. We were having good laughs about funny moments of our childhood days. My friend Saba had decided to stay at my place which clearly meant great party till the morning light.

The roof has medium size walls around it. We were sitting on the wood bench that two little girls built themselves. We still are proud of it and love it.  As it started to grow darker we walked towards the door to go downstairs but the cool breeze convinced us to stay a while longer. So we walked towards the front side of the house.

I was telling her about my recent writings when she interrupted me and pointed towards my neighbors house. “Look at those kids playing as mother watches them” she said smiling to herself.

Looking at the pointed direction I said “Where?” I had no idea what she was talking about.

Saba went on still smiling “What a pleasant sight, these kids are having fun and their mother is smiling with satisfaction.”

 “OK enough of your stupid pranks” I said laughing.

She paused and gave me a confused look then said “These kids right there under those yellow lights.”

She was so convincing that now I knew something was terribly wrong. The first thought that hit my mind with a chill running through me was a question.  I asked her almost in a whisper, “Are they looking back at us?”

She said with a giggle, “Not yet but they might if I keep staring"

“Don’t stare!” I cried.

She looked at me this time more shocked than confused.

I reached for her hands looking into my friends’ eyes I whispered “Saba this house has been deserted for ages and I still don’t see any signs of life there”

Her smile faded and I watched her turn pale. Her hands got colder. I held her hands tighter and told her not to panic. Any attention from the inhabitants of that house would be the least desired thing I thought to myself.  

Slowly walking towards the door and came downstairs like thing happened.  

We settled in my room but Saba was still dumbfounded.   There fell a very long awkward silence between us.

I had never seen her this way so yeah it kind of freaked me out. I tried to make her laugh but she wasn't paying much attention. In spite of my worthless attempts to make her laugh this girl was unappreciative. I gave up and asked her to speak her mind out. Still lost in thoughts she sat there like a dead person.

I got so frustrated that I shook her hard like waking her up from deep sleep shouting “You were the bravest one. The one who could watch three horror movies in a row and still would sleep soundly at night!” 

She laughed aloud and asked “So you still don’t watch horror movies? “

I shook my head smiling at her finally relived.  She gave me a questioning glance as if demanding more explanation.

I hesitated a moment then sniffed saying, “Why watch horror movies on TV when you can watch the exclusively explicit horror motion picture during your sleep?”

I thought the topic has changed and now we could enjoy the rest of the night watching movies and eating pasta like always. I thought wrong.

“Still lucky you can’t see phantoms running around in haunted houses having a good time” Saba taunted with a reckless smile.

Right then I got a strong urge to tell her all the unusual things I have ever experienced. On second thought if I tell her all those true stories she might change her mind of staying the night here.

Well then let it pass I thought.

“To some extend everyone can sense things. A lot more things than we can understand or explain. We deny it because of the confusion that comes along. Mind does not accept or believe things that it cannot understand. We just have to admit that these things are there around us all the time…..” I stopped in the middle my sentence.

Somehow Saba found it scarier and started to pack her things running around like a mad person. It was supposed to be a friendly advice to soothe her down.  This was the least expected reaction; for a second I didn't know how to response. I stood there watching her with confusion and great disappointment on my face.

I had to run a little to catch her and give her another shake, “You are not going anywhere before I finish, do you get me?!”

Before I could scold her more on her childish behavior she hugged me tight. I hugged back.

And this is what I whispered in her ear:

“Every coin has two sides. Yes there are negative energies but there are positive energies too. The more you think about demons the more it would take over your head. Have faith on angels too and make your positive energies stronger. Only YOU can do it”

Saba nodded still holding me tight. I knew she was smiling and finally relaxed.

 “You are my angel.” She whispered back making me giggle.

We were again the two little adventurous girls. The rest of the night was spent in laughter and giggles just like old times. 

How it Feels...

It feels like a heavy burden placed on my chest. Feels like my ribs are crushed together from all sides. It hurts so much and it’s so real. This feeling rapidly builds up severe pain in the center of my rib cage. My heart can’t take it anymore. Still I can’t show it, can’t express it, and can’t let it out. The expression would only leave me vulnerable. Besides I know what the reaction would be so I fight to hold it in. I try concealing despite it starts to eat my insides. Changing from deep affection to intense pain and then turning into uncontrollable rage. No matter what it becomes but this impression isn't going anywhere. It stays right there, only weakening my control over it. Now all my efforts are invested in taming this unexpected rage. This rage starts to rise up to appear on my face. Heating it up and bring it. My eyes can’t take the heat thus hot tears starts to stream down my face. Crying feels so good that I won’t stop crying my heart out.  Looks like I finally found a way to express it.

UN-Recognized : WHO YOU ARE

There was this guy at my institute who would play beats on the rostrum during our short breaks. It was amazing to see how he could understand every single beat of a song and play it. Anybody could spot him as a potential musician.

One day I couldn't resist but ask him about his plans concerning his music talent.  That day I found this guy was not only talented but also very passionate about music.

He told me he would follow his dreams after completing his studies, getting a decent job and then settling in life.

He unveiled a long list of his present commitments. At the end he firmly added that one day he would become a musician. There was a long pause then I smiled at him sadly. Unfortunately all his friends agreed with him except for me.

Now let’s see how it actually goes in real life. This guy will keep holding his passion for other important stuff like studies, jobs and then marriage. Funny how he lacks to see that it does not stop here. With time responsibilities and commitments would multiply.  It would only be too late to realize the sweet easygoing life has slipped away. The once passion would now become his obsession. Miserably then he would not have the strength to reach it. “Obsession is a young man’s game” as the old man says in the movie The Prestige. In the end life passes by but life never happened.

So my friend would you wait till all your youth, vitality and spirit has drained away along with your passions? 

Remember what Saito says in the movie Inception,

"Don't you want to take a leap of faith? Or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone!"

Regardless of how hectic life you live passion, aspiration and ambition make way for itself. Initially it may seem difficult but nothing is impossible. Once you start following your heart your desires would drive you to success.

Certainly nothing in this life is worth keeping a hold on your dreams. Dreams are ambiguous and recognizes no boundaries no limits. No matter how crazy, absurd or impractical your dreams may seem they are meant to be that way for a reason. The reason is they make you special, remarkable and extraordinary. Your dreams make who you are.

You just get one chance, live it or lose it. Youth is your only chance. Now is the right time, you have the right energy and the strengths. Here is my advice, start following your dreams today. Go on and let your sparkle surprise yourself and everyone around you.  Show the world, what you are worth. Show them who you really are!

Last Hope

Our life is just an unsolved mystery

Future unsure and the rest is history

All precious moments were spent in haste

I tried my best but it’s gone to waste

Sometime I find it hard to see

In future what and where I’ll be

Another hope died another shattered dream

And down my face hot tears stream

As I sit there with my hands tied

Hiding my face I bitterly cried

I tore away pages and everything in sight

No matter what I do, this burden won’t light

I want to runaway I want to scream

Scatter in pieces everything I dream

But then she came and found me crying

The person who had seen me trying

She came to me holding a guide book

In those sad eyes I didn’t dare look

Before I moved she held my hands

I never show it but she understands

She always knows how I feel

And she is always there to heel

She told me that I will succeed

She knows her faith is all I need

Her smile told me what she meant

Handed me the book away she went

So I started on it with all the strength I had

Expecting failure, but succeeded instead

Then I ran to the room where she slept

With a note saying “Thanks Mother” I left

No matter how hard my life may be

My mother, my last hope stays with me

Note: I wrote this poem eight years ago, in 2005... 

Relationship

As I sit here in my favorite cafe flipping the teabag label in my fingers gazing outside the window beside me. I wonder how quickly people adjust with the situations they are in.  Some people are good adapters, they quickly adapt to the new trends relationship brings with it. Whereas others might take a life time just to fit in this new relation.

One thing that I have learned the hard way is somehow we are and no one else is responsible for the circumstances we find ourselves in. If I blame someone else I would be wrong. Whatever I am today and whatever the situation I’m in, is all my own creation. You can never be happy in your life if you go on blaming others for everything. This life is yours and will result in good or bad based on only and only your own actions. This is another mistake we make in our relationships we keep on blaming the other person. It’s never about who did what it’s about what you do and how it is going to affect your life.

If they are the right person you would always care for.  Then why not be mature enough to talk, just talk that’s all you ever need. Talk to them no matter how panicked you are, or how mad you get. Remember only pain would result if you ignore. And when I say talk, I mean talk in panic situations, because anyone can talk easily in good times. However talk is hard when things are not going right. The couples that last a lifetime are the ones who can talk even when it’s hard.

In every relationship one person is always stronger and only guardian of it. And this person keeps on holding hard on all the gaps in the relationship. And when this stronger person gives up the relation is likely to end. This person is the optimist but sadly the one who is taken for granted the most.

When it doesn't work, don’t stay because you have been together for so many years. Time would not change that person it would only make you get used to of the tolerance. If you stay counting your years, it would just end up adding years of chaos you’d be regretful for one day…

Think of it this way, you made a huge investment and all you are getting in return are losses, would you keep on investing? Same goes for a relationship; we invest our time and efforts in a person, and if you do not get the same amount of love and care returned, it would hurt. It would only incur losses and by that I mean pain and regrets. No matter how much a person is crazy in love, people know when they are taken for granted. And one day they pick their broken self and leave.

It’s not the number of days, weeks or years you spent with a person but it’s about the priority given, the time invested and the efforts made for the person you love. This should be balanced on both sides or else both will lose.

At the end of the day you would find, it is never about funny, smart or rich person. It’s about the one who stays, who stands with you when the rest of the world leaves, and who was always there for you… 

I hope it helps and wish you a very happy life.... 

You vs. Friendship

Many times in life people would offer you relationships only against some favors. These favors being the unethical tasks you probably would like to avoid.  Such decisions are hard to take since you don’t know the results of either of them. Still such situations keep coming to challenge our moral judgments.

This is how these people would phrase it; ‘It’s either you do it and win our friendship, or you don’t do it and lose our friendship.’

And now this is how your moral instincts would see it, either you do it and lose yourself or don’t do it and win yourself.

If you do it for Friendship:

Let’s suppose they are your only friends and this friendship matters.  You would do this unethical task and become their best friends forever. And that’s the end of it.

No! Sadly this is just the beginning of your destruction.

You would become a best slave forever who works for free! Now that they know you would do anything to save this relation, they would start manipulating you. Congratulations you won yourself masters but not friends.

Well you saved this friendship to be happy, then why this puppet sad? Yes puppet is what you made yourself. Even scarifying yourself didn’t win you their friendship. So eventually you lose this friendship both ways.

Friendship certainly is a precious relation but since when did it become a selling item? See how you made an utterly self destructive choice.

If you don’t do it for your Moral Self:

Now for the moral choice you surely would lose their friendship instantly. Since its human nature no matter how mean they are, you would still feel anxious for a while. The good part is anxiety never breaks you; it only hits you to the ground. So here is my advice, take this fall then rise up and get back in the race again.

Definitely no one wants to lose friends regardless of what personality or nature they have. Nevertheless when I say friends I mean friends not some disguised agents of a company who came to buy you as their essential product.

Now you see you didn’t lose anything at all. You can never lose something you never had in the first place. You would know you made the right decision. Cheers! You won yourself self-respect and also the respect of others.

That’s not all you still have more reasons to be happy. Now you know that they find you valuable, superior, priceless and also wise. And the reason to laugh is, they thought you had a price tag.

Hence proved you do yourself right only by doing the RIGHT things in life. Always do the right thing no matter what it costs you. Trust me the cost would always be insignificant to the incredible results you would get. Stay Blessed! 

UNDERSTAND ME...!

We communicate with so many people every day. Ever thought how seldom do we really understand them? Among all the things our nation is deprived of; Understanding is an essential element.

We lack to understand why a person is furious. We would just consider them rude. Judging others before the real cause behind the fury is considered.  Stress from a traffic jam, or an argument with a loved one. Any other life’s tragedy or failure faced. People can be very unpredictable. They would never tell you every detail. Their current status would not always be on facebook. It would be on their faces only if we could read. One should be a good reader. Since the rest depends on your understanding.

Big companies struggle to understand their customers. At first understand customer requirements. Subsequently set strategies to fulfill these requirements effectively and efficiently. In order to show they care about their customers. This is not just one shot but an ongoing process. Hence in return companies get customer loyalty.  As a result they get successful.

My experience tells me this phenomenon does not limit to business alone. Let me show you how fits to our daily life.

In a class room who is the brilliant student? The one who knows answer to all questions ask? No. The brilliant student is one who understands the teacher best. Understanding what teacher requires. Sometimes teacher doesn't want the right answer. All they want to see is the right attitude.  

Although it might not apply to all teachers therefore it’s not easy to understand them on the first day. It depends on your capability to understand people, the sooner the better. Trying to understand is better than not trying at all.

Another example from my daily life: a good cook is not the one who can cook best food in the world. Or one who knows all recipes in the world. A good cook is one who can adjust to every person’s tastes.  People can have so many different tastes. Not just spice differences. Moreover they fancy different cooking styles. A good cook would ask, understand and try to fulfill every person’s requirements. It is not an easy task. Sometimes they have to skip some steps. Other times adding some steps in cooking process. Their perfect adjustment to all tastes is what makes them a Good Cook.

From these illustrations it is obvious that best is one who is flexible. In your daily life leave a room for understanding others. Understanding your loved ones is a way to show you care. Sometimes understanding is all they need from us. When you would understand life would become much easier. Many problems in our life roots to lack of understanding. 

Understanding also means accepting differences of people. Respecting their likes and dislikes without criticizing. Realizing that everyone is special just as they are. Making others feel special only by these little efforts can bring huge constructive changes in your life.. Remember respect given is respect gained. Now smile if you understand me… =)

ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL

Note: Story of VII grade. I wrote this back in my school days.

I still remember them like yesterday, all those carefree days at school.

 It was August and it had rained last night so we were very excited to go to school.

As usual I went to leave my bag upstairs in the classroom and came downstairs to search for my friends. I had to walk to my friends who were standing at the other end of the school wall across the ground. I was walking on the track which runs along the school ground but unfortunately I was blocked by my juniors standing in a big circle. I decided to walk through the ground instead of breaking through the enthusiastic group of boys and girls. As I stepped into the ground which looked pretty much dry, the next moment I found myself sitting in a big pond of mud, and people starring at me, as much shocked as I were.

I can’t say the same for my friends because they were so used to it. I was the tallest girl at school and very much jumpy and skinny, always running, laughing and falling everywhere. Once I broke my arm while playing with the 1^st grade kids. And next day when I told my teacher what happened, my classmates busted into laughter including the teacher which I still wonder why?

Anyway this time it was different and much more embarrassing. So then I managed to stand up and look at myself. My shoes, my uniform all were filled with mud, making me look like a donut dipped in chocolate. I was always very conscious about my uniform but looking it like that at the beginning of the day was really shocking.

 My friends who were now standing by me, told me to go upstairs and wash it, so I did as they said. I washed it off but the only thing that looked a bit better were my shoes and my uniform turned out to be messier than ever. I wished for my fairy godmother, which never showed up and then I realized I don’t have one. Not that I believe in them… phhht…

   

I came downstairs and went to my Headmistress with my friends to ask permission to stay in the classroom. We were not allowed to stay in classrooms before assembly nor during it. At first she was too shocked to say anything when she saw me. Since she knew me as one of the most neat and tidy girl. Then she smiled and said with a big NO, that it’s not possible, I had to attend the assembly. How sweet of her…

I tried again but she just walked away as the bell rang. I learned two lessens that day; first, things are not always what they seems to be especially muddy ground that looks dry. Second, my Headmistress never had slipped in the mud pond, that’s why she didn't understand my feelings. So I went to attend the assembly with everyone staring at me and giggling.

I stood there cursing my height which always makes it impossible to let me go unnoticed. I wished to zap myself away or hide somewhere. Standing there felt like forever but the rest of the day wasn't that bad. It had started to rain again and we were too excited to study anymore. Someone said “why don’t we go out and study” we all started laughing; actually we were so excited that we would have laughed at almost anything.

Teachers trying too hard to drag our eyes and minds back to the lecture from the windows where we could see rain fall heavily. Soon they finally gave up and let us go out to enjoy the rain. It has never rained like that before.

We rushed out like ants into corridors, downstairs and finally to the ground. Headmistress announced that we could go home but those who waiting there vans and cars can stay and wait. But my friends didn't leave even those who could nor did I call for my car, because it felt so good to watch the rain pour just standing there. 

There was nothing as beautiful as our school building and trees that bathed in rain. We stood there watching children play and everyone smiling at each other for no reason at all. As if rain has washed away all our worries. The good thing was no one remembered anything about me falling, including me. There was no yesterday or tomorrow just today that seemed endless and eternal. We just stood there talking, laughing and enjoying the cool summer rain adding another beautiful day to our memories.  

My Crisis Management Skills

There was pin drop silence except for the sounds of scribbling pens. It was first day of the new semester’s first-term examinations. One hour to answer thirteen questions. At first glance I reckoned the exam paper was easy but quite lengthy for an hour.

I reached the last question when suddenly the room started to show some signs of life. To my surprise this time the fuss was caused by the teachers alone. I didn't know what the chaos was about neither did I care. Until I heard a very familiar name called.

‘Shahzeb’

The first picture that flashed in my mind was instantly shrugged. I hardly know any guy here in this new place. This must be some random guy bearing a familiar name.

I still raise my head to see who this random guy is.

And I freeze.

Shocked, speechless and eyes fixed on him just to be certain if he was really there. He looked back at me. 

He was sitting right next to me for an hour now. How come I didn't notice him? Didn't even watch him come in?

Shahzeb… My old school mate! My childhood buddy!

I was just about to scream his name out load when he quickly turned his head down. Funny how he guessed what was coming.

His awkward reaction brought me back to the examination hall. I returned to the answer sheet but my mind didn't. This is where I get my second heart attack. I had gone completely blank! OMG this is my major, this can’t be happening.

The teacher calls “Last five minutes.”

Thanks to my crisis management skills.  I quickly gathered myself and started writing. Unfortunately my hands refused to take any orders. OK so I need to work a little on those skills.

The excitement worsening my already pathetic handwriting. The examiner would think this girl panicked in the last few minutes. On second thought, no they wouldn't feel any difference since it was as awful as my usual handwriting.

Soon the corridors were packed with students. There was rising uproar of everyone laughing and discussing the exam. Shahzeb was out of sight. I started to search for him.

And there he was slowly walking towards me with the same old familiar smile on his face. 

“Shahzzzzeb…. What the hell are you doing here?!!”

He was quite at a distance when I yelled at him. The whole crowd around stopped and starting staring at us. Like me, he didn't mind the looks neither does my craziness bothers him ever. In fact his smile broadened.

Shahzeb told me he is also a student here but since he has a very hectic job routine. Hence sadly we’d hardly get to see each other much.  

We had just started talking when one of my enthusiastic girls attacked me. She didn't even notice I was talking to someone. She went on with “What did you write for blah blah blah….”

 I wasn't even listening.

Shahzeb backed up a little and turned to a guys group pretending to be in a conversation. I politely excused my girl and told her I need to talk to a friend.

As I started to walk towards Shahzeb rest of my girls appeared from nowhere and asked if I had checked the notice board. Before I could answer that one of my girl took me by the arm and pulled me to where the notice board was.

Board is near the staircase from where I could still see him standing there looking uninterested in the conversation. I caught him staring at me. This was a little sad and felt quite out of place. Sweet were those careless days when we would have had no hesitations, no egos, no peer pressure and no worries.  

I quickly turned to face the notice board and pretended to read. Just then I heard my name called. It was Shahzeb.

He softly said “I have to go now.”

I was like ‘oh OK…’

He quickly added with a smile “We’ll catch up later sometime.”

As he left all my girls gathered around me and started questioning me about him excitedly.

We had seen each other after a very long time. I had so much to tell him and so much more to ask. Despite all the interruptions it was nice to see him after so long. Just like the good old days. Naah it was even better. The type of feeling you get when you meet an old friend among a crowd of strangers. 

This spectacular institute is full of surprises! Just when I get used to the normal daily routine, it throws another unexpected incident in my face. Every day here is totally an adventure. Pleasant or unpleasant I’m enjoying every single moment of it... :) 

No strike for Smiles

Last day it was CNG strike and I was travelling back home from university. In the first bus I met a girl and figured she was from my hometown and also a student like me. When we reached the second bus stop, we had to walk some distance to catch another bus home. While walking towards the bus in that chaotic overcrowded place, I tried to talk to her but she ignored me with disdain. I didn’t mind that, I knew she was as lost in that madhouse as I was. It was also getting late. After a long brisk walk fortunately we found the bus. 
We squeezed ourselves on the footstep of the over loaded bus door. This girl deliberately winced at me showing her exhaustion. For me it was pure blessing to find a place just to hang in there. At least I am safe and finally going home was my first thought.  All the way home I was standing for almost three hours straight but still volatile and looking good. That furious girl was so stressed that she had a fight with the woman next to her. This woman started cursing her and created a scene. The whole bus went quite providing more attention to the already embarrassed girl. It surely was a rough day but it seems the furious girl had the worst.

There is a lot of stress these days earlier we had never ending electricity shortage problem and now this CNG problem. An average Pakistani is not happy, we are overstressed. Our jobs are affected, our studies are affected and so is our health and lifestyle.  It is driving my entire country fellows crazy. It is rare to find a single common Pakistani who is not angry or depressed on a CNG strike day. Despite all the trouble we are going through I want my country fellows especially women to cooperate with each other. It is easy to understand how badly affected you are because we are in it together. Trust me I know it’s not a good feeling. I know changing two buses on a CNG strike, is no fun at all.

The fact is when life is rough your fury won’t help it change. A person’s anger and animosity do them more harm than it does to people around them. Remember every problem has a solution all we have to do is find it, but if you can’t fix it learn to live with it. The faster you mold yourself in the rapidly changing circumstance of life the easier life would get. And happier you would be. Even in the business world we learn, those who do not change quickly according to the situations around them are left behind and soon get dissolved.

Yes there is CNG strike but no strike for your smile, no strike on a reason to be happy. Although it does affect us badly but despite that I want my country people at least the students to be patient and learn to find little happiness in every single day of life. Rough days should not stop you from living. Please don’t show your rage to people around you because they are also going through the same agony.

 Always look on the bright side. For me CNG strike day is an adventurous day not a boring daily routine. Be happy on the inside and you would feel good, also look good on the outside. Rejoice every moment while you can. Stay beautiful. 

LOST AND FOUND

My first day at university wasn't as cool as I expected it to be. At first I was so happy to find the lecture so easy, I was the smartest girl in the class, with all the correct answers. After 3 hour of lecture I found it was not my class. They were my juniors...! Ah...  The staff had given me wrong course outline which made me quite confused and a lot more frustrated…

The next day I went straight to the coordinator’s desk and started my absurd story like a lost child. The coordinator turned out to be a very polite and helpful lady. She apologized, changed my course outline and led me to the right classroom.

OK so this is my real class. The first good sign was this class was vibrant and friendly. At that moment there were only three people in the classroom when I entered. A very familiar tall handsome guy was sitting to my right and behind him sat two girls. You figured the second good sign? *winks*

We had a short boring introduction that lasted in less than 2 minutes. So this tall guy continued talking to those girls, while I sat there like an alien. The more he talked the more he got familiar, like I have met him before. He was talking about his previous job and suddenly it ringed a bell.

A week later my classmates were planning for a barbecue party. I just wanted to go home but I had to wait for my girls who were deeply indulged in the party planning. I just kept nodding to all the questions they threw at me. After everything was planned I was finally relieved. Packed and ready to go home. When we reached the staircase suddenly my girls remembered another important task and left me waiting.

Right then that tall handsome guy came smiling and started teasing me for not taking any responsibility in organizing the event like everyone else. He kept going on and on and laughing. I got so annoyed that I had to change the topic.

I asked abruptly “Do you know Zara?”

His smile faded. I continued carelessly, “Zara your colleague at your previous job”

Only a small shocked sound came out of his mouth. Now when I had all of his attention I went on “She is my childhood friend, we’re more like sisters and she told me a lot about you.” At first he didn’t believe me but the straight look on my face convinced him. 

Instantly he asked “What did she tell you?” his question sounded more like a request. Behind that smile I could see his uneasiness, so I snapped teasingly “Everything”. To this his face glowed as he shyly grinned at me so I smiled back. Although I had lied, I only knew as much as Zara had told me about him. It was worth it for that adorable look on his face.

There was a long pause but a very comfortable and familiar one. We held each other gaze for a while. Then he softly said “It’s been two years now, she was a good friend of mine” I could feel and understand a lot more than he said. It’s strange how familiar one can get with a stranger.

Such a dramatic lost and found moment was interrupted by my girls who rushed passed me and were now out of sight. We were still lost in thoughts, mixed feelings, confused smiles, when he put some effort to say “Let’s talk about this later.” I just smiled and turned to catch-up with my girls. Funny how my over excited girls had passed me by and were now rushing downstairs forgetting me behind??? 

The most awkward thing about this moment was that it wasn't awkward at all. Zara had wanted so badly for me to meet this guy, Haroon. Sadly my busy schedule made me compromise to her sweet stories of him. Haroon is exactly how I had pictured him in my mind. I recognized him in the first glance on the first day I saw him.

For me it was more like meeting a character of your favorite story book. Spotting the celebrity and then actually telling them that you have been a fan for ages…It was a wonderful feeling…

So after all my life here in this institute might not be as boring as I had thought… :)

BE YOURSELF INSIDE-OUT

How many times have you tried to be someone else? Does it help or does it make things worse? It might have not ended so well. Ever wondered why?

When we try to be someone else we get exhausted hence sooner or later would give it up. Therefore frustrating not only ourselves but also annoying everyone around us. It’s funny how we lack to understand that we are at our best when we are not trying to impress others. That is because people can sense and differentiate the uneasiness from effortless confidence.  It is easy to look through a person, who is trying too hard. To see how they are uncomfortable in their own skin.

One thing is certain you cannot please each and everyone in life. When people ask you to change they give you an excuse not to like you. And they would always have an excuse no matter how hard you try. It’s as simple as this; if a person really did care about you, they would never make life hard on you. Then why bother changing for everyone.  Why going through so much trouble, exhaustion and frustration for others. If for them you don’t mean a thing then their comments should also be the least of your concerns.  

Sooner or later in life you would realize; the people you had tried so hard to please were not the people who mattered the slightest in your life. Only the ones who really did matter never wanted you to change.  Those who like you would accept you along with all your imperfections. The imperfections that define you make you standout, make you special. Appreciate your admirers and be thankful.

No matter how good you look or beautiful you shine inside-out. There will always be people to criticize and pass cruel comments on you. There are two options either to let these insignificant people ruin your day, or to ignore them while you keep sparkling. It’s totally in your hands not to let others let you down. If they don’t like you in the natural best form of yourself, then it’s an abuse of you. Your desire to fit in their ‘perfection scale’ is even a bigger insult of yourself. The best part is, these are the people, who can hardly make any difference in your life. So keep on shining bright. Don’t let critics dull your glow. Show them if they don’t like you, they are just wasting their breath on you.

Same goes for the outlook. Remember you will always have people who would admire you no matter what hairstyles, dress, or makeup you wear as long as you are yourself. People for whom you don’t have to try to be someone you are not.  Especially girls are more sensitive to such comments like: ‘this color doesn’t suit you’, or ‘the top makes you look fat’ or ‘your natural curly hair make you look ugly’. First people would make you stick to just one hairstyle, one color, or one look. Then these people would be the first one to get sick of your same old boring look. Get my point?

The outlook should be just like a healthy mind which is open to new ideas, ready to absorb uniqueness of life. That understands and accepts others just as they are. Be open to new fashion, new trends, new styles, all colors and designs. If you are confident and proud of yourself, you would definitely look amazing in anything you put on. Whether it’s the outlook or the inside of you avoid changing it for anyone.

All you need is the right attitude, that positive air around you, you would look gorgeous in any way. Be proud of being different. All colors are made for you, enjoy them while you can. Be volatile, be vibrant and celebrate all colors of life.