Today I got an urge to
paint so excitedly I sat on the floor with my paints and canvas. Surprisingly I
could not decide on what colors to pick. Usually the color is your picture
depends on your feelings. The problem arises when you can’t decide what state
of mind you are in right now.
I broke it down in
parts to simplify my selection. It is not happy so we avoid all the bright
happy colors but neither is it sad so forget about all the grays and dull
colors. This feeling is something in between numbness and excitement. All feelings
were laid down on the table but still very hard to put my finger on it.
The type of feeling you
get when you find something you wanted so badly but you only found it when you
don’t need it anymore. Making it too difficult to decide how you feel about it
now.
Either to celebrate
that you finally found what you’ve longed for all your life or to throw it away
since you don’t need it anymore. It can’t get any worse so you just don’t care.
You don’t care about this desperately yearned thing. You don’t even care about
how you feel for it. All you feel is this strange type of numbness mixed with
happiness and frustration in the same proportion.
I sat there completely
lost in thoughts for a while. Until all these colors started laughing at my helplessness.
I slowly picked up my colors and sluggishly walked towards the table. Carelessly
threw the canvas on the table and dropped all colors in the drawer. Then I shut
the drawer and walked out of the room.
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