Tuesday, 27 October 2015
I was excited to meet her after a long time. Also she told me she desperately needs to talk. I knew it’s probably another “him-drama” so yeah I was anxious to hear her out too. Its funny how with time our problems grew but we, me and my bestie stayed the same.
She arrived earlier than I expected which meant ‘the problem’ isn’t a minor one. The moment Zaib came she asked me if we could be alone somewhere, (away from the family). That's strange because she used to be the family-oriented one. Anyway she started to unwind the moment we went out for a brisk walk.
“He just never stays away!” shouts Zaib throwing her hands in the air. I was quiet but I knew whom she’s talking about; her fiancé. “I have started to feel all different sorts of things and I want him to understand!” she added.
Zaib paused for me to speak up, but I didn’t. Didn’t want to rush before hearing the entire story. She looked away as we walk and continued with little calmness in her voice this time, “They drive me nuts, all of a sudden they start talking against him. When I fight for him, they start to argue. It gets worse. I become so radioactive that I just walk out on them and avoid human contact for a while…”
I interrupted her asking, “And apparently this “Avoid-human-contact” includes him too?”
She stopped walking instantly and nodded at me with worry in her eyes. Arrite so now we know what she meant by: ‘He never stays away’
I so badly wanted to hug her tight cause I knew the torture she’s been through for the past few months. But then I didn’t want to make it look like ‘pity’.
We become too quiet but even at this moment nothing felt awkward. Five minutes later we were in my kitchen where I made her my favorite drink ‘Hot Chocolate Milk’. (Yeah I am Alex from Madagascar, when you are at my place you get MY favorite drink not yours.)
Drinking the milk Zaib sighed with relief, and expressed her gratitude saying, “Running down my dry throat in this rough weather, this drink truly feels like LOVE.”
“Reminds you of him, even when you’re avoiding human-contact, huh?” I asked with a nasty grin set on my face. (Err, I had to ask.)
There was a long pause, (where in my head I was like, oh so she thinks I’m not human?).
Then her eyes sparkled with a bright smile but she didn’t say a word. Although I could see she got the message in the right way, when she grabbed her cell phone and gave him a call.
Thursday, 22 October 2015
Hope is a crazy thing; it keeps us alive when we desperately wait on closure. Even when we are certain there is no way back. This constant urge to try again, never leaves.
It is plain water that rains down your cheeks from eyes that don’t blink. Carefully ignore the pieces on the floor. Brainstorming like crazy but you still can’t conclude how you got here. Little jokes, little dreams, little mistakes, little do we see, how little things can cause such collateral damage. Scars keep the pain alive when the wounds have healed. Collecting reasons to why you keep running away from what you need and why you keep chasing unwanted mess.
It grows harder to resist thus we fight back. We run, we fail, and then we face it. Other times we just ignore, let it be and accept its presence. You say you work so hard that there’s hardly any time to breathe. What about the moment when your attention span escapes you and the subconscious take over. You know you are there, still there…
We don’t give up, we play dead and we keep breathing. Or we die and fake breathing… Either way you don’t question anything that doesn’t make sense. Maybe you’ve been in the prison for so long that this ceiling feels like perfect home. You say you don’t need hope, but then again it’s not the only word you lost the meaning of. You lost so much and so many times that losing has only become a rid of the baggage.
We all do see ahead of time but confusion keeps it vague. We try to keep it that way for we can’t stand the complexity of your brains. And then there will be days when it’s hard to avoid experiencing tomorrow as good as today. The moment when you are perfectly sure about things, don’t hesitate to TRUST yourself.
Thursday, 8 October 2015
Let me warn you, this article is going to be about ‘MOI’. Today somehow I ended up listening to Love Myself by Hailee Steinfeld – so yeah I have all the rights to be a Narcissist for the next 10 minutes. Aala la la la la laaahhhH!
Arrite, I woke up to a very long text from a little girl. Despite all those grammatical mistakes and my drowsiness I could see she was happy. The text had my name in it and her English teacher’s name, who is my childhood friend. Twenty minutes later when I read it with more clarity, it made my heart swell.
The kid was trying to tell me how she presented her speech exactly like I do And I have no idea what she meant for she has never seen any of my presentations. Anyway the girl goes on describing how her teacher said her gestures and way of speaking is a lot like mine. And that made her feel smug.
This little girl is a fan, she observes me real close, like most of the kids do. To be honest it gives me goose bumps for whatever they see me do, they follow! Not that I’m complaining but it comes with immense pressure of responsibility.
Kids are like: Oh Aapa is eating yogurt, let’s eat yogurt!
A 5 year old friend of mine still believes I am his younger sister, regardless of the fact that he has to raise his head 90 degrees to look at me. If we see it from a broader perspective then maybe kids can see what our REAL age is.
Err… I can’t be younger than 5 years that’d be really creepy.
Most of my family question why children see me as their ideal. It doesn’t take any effort to be a kid-magnet even if you're a nerd who talks to a white screen all day. On every wedding I’m chased by a mob of tiny fans. They always have so many stories to tell. All you have to do is TALK to them. They love attention even the shy ones. These little brats would hunt you like Zombies.
My bestie calls me, a kid-pleaser. (Ahem…. She’s just jealous). Kids get fond of us when there is no hierarchy between you and them. Irritate them, chase them, make them chase you, just have fun. And if you haven’t experienced it, you are missing out on the FUN in its purest, innocent and frenzied form.
They text me like:
Kid: Hello Aapa
Kid: Aapa let’s talk!
Me: Okay :)
Kid: Ok, Start...
Me: -_- ???
Yeah. Then Aapa would have to START off course, as soon as she figures what to start. *facepalm*
Friday, 2 October 2015
He takes a deep breath while leaning back on the wall next to the window in his office. Vacantly he stares at the sunshine outside, with hands in his pockets. “When I see you, read your text, feel your words, or hear your voice, I get this strange nerve-racking feeling” he said calmly looking down at his heart.
She sits up straight in her chair and gazed at his chest too. With worried expressions she hastily inquired what he meant.
He sighed and continued, “I feel like my heart grows actual limbs like an octopus, which cut open my chest like blades and wiggle out. You can’t imagine the ache. They restlessly move towards you, as if you are the target of these colorful ferocious tentacles”
She busted into laughter, and then he had to quickly add with a grave impression, “It’s not funny…. It’s rather irritating when you know it is REAL. It takes me a lot of trouble to ignore the sensation. This octopus-heart just keeps growing bigger and stronger”
At this point her face instantly turned from amusing to awfully grim, she replied almost in a whisper, “I know. I feel it too…”
“You do?” he asked like a 5 year old kid, who has no idea how his crazy imagination made any sense.
She forced a Mona Lisa smile and answered with a pensive look, “I feel it like a living rope around my waist, so alive that I react to it. I feel when you tug me to yourself with your thoughts, and see me squirm. You smile satisfactorily when you watch all of my efforts to wriggle out of its grasp, go wasted.”
She looked up at him to seek affirmation of her interpretations. Where he only lowered his eyes and started to grin broadly.
He sent back the text, “He knows.”
She replied from a thousand miles away, “She knows.”
The short break ended as they got out of the beautiful scene. Then they placed their cell-phones aside and got back to their hectic daily routines.