He took a bath to ease the pain. The headache soothed for a moment then came back worse than ever. Few minutes later the tall intelligent guy sat silent on his bed wearing his favorite navy blue t-shirt and cargo trousers. The handsome man clenched a thick cotton belt, with a long profound stare up at the motionless fan. Now the tears that roll down those blood red eyes sting and burn like acid, around the eyes. Soon pondering converted to clear words saying, ‘So this is it, you killed your own dream, you have to pay for the murder.’
Depression: Suicide feels Right? Part 2
Thus he let the familiar dark scavengers to crawl in and eat the remains of him before the guilt returns. While he tries to justify his decision believing this is the only way out of the chaos. Second thought was ‘How my mother would react when she sees me hanging?’ This thought was quickly ignored in order to stay focused on the suicide plan for it felt like freedom. It appeared like a real moment of glory, the only escape in sight.
A point to be noticed here is Depression can jeopardize one to the extent that they can’t even get a suicide plan right. I mean seriously his sibling’s pink girly cotton skirt-belt that could not even hold his weight. However the terror of it and panic attack felt more than real.
That was the moment when his mother called out asking, “What do you want to eat?” He took moment to reply in order to sound normal, “Nothing Mom, not hungry”.
Now it got complicated to see how he is still connected to people around him. Too bad this suicide will make them value him more. Then unconsciously he lied down to rest his tired soul. To be honest the pain was solely physical, chest pain, difficulty in breathing, tired legs, pounding head. All these factors did NOT leave any room for emotions. Until the moment when he heard Asr Azaan, clearer than ever before. Tears started to roll again and suddenly a thought came to him, “Wait, how I can question my Creator when I have never obeyed Him?” He throws the belt away and for the first time in his life willingly stands up for the Salat without the external motivations. He started to follow the light with the dreams much higher than deceivers to reach and the rewards much greater for all to see. ALLAHU AKBAR!
Death itself is mortal, it can never be a cure for a part of you is going to be immortal. Regret is not what appears to burden you today when you can repent and set yourself free. Regret is when you fail to see you were limitless. Everything that abandons you will only help you write a new chapter of your life. It provides you with better cautions for greater life. The wise and the fool have to go through the same path; wisdom would only make life easier for you to understand. The faster you understand it, the better you would protect yourself from your own demons. All the outside and inside vultures are not stronger than the One who created you. For He continuously protects you so don’t ever disappoint Him.