Depression: Suicide feels Right? Part 1
The best thing about being a person who is envied by the nerds, fashion freaks, hippies, jocks and everyone in between is: NOTHING! Being remarkable at everything only added to his haters. Then there was one gigantic problem: his kind beautiful heart. He was naive to the extent that it almost reaches plain and dumb kind of blindness. As time passed the poor guy invited his own destruction from a place no one could ever imagine. Not even him. His best friend stole the idea, not just the idea, the plan, the dream, the career, the passion, in short everything! They talk about jealously and haters as a playful joke in stories never seeing how sabotaging it can be on the other side.
That rough day when he sat in the audience helplessly staring at the group on the stage. His bestie looked directly into his eyes. Then the old mate passes a wicked smile of any psychopath from a low budget horror movie. It felt wrong not like cheating or betrayal but felt more like a planed murder. Only there is no one to blame but himself. Survived tortures, hatred, bullies, but the final blow didn't quite miss him. No matter how bright that game face shines but that day it started to show on his face. His so-called friends came to ask if he was OK to make sure it pierced deep into the heart. They watched him close when he stood up and slowly walked out of the huge auditorium. He hurried to reach the exit door where in reality he only limped slower than a sick almost dead snail.
Outside the air was cool with the sky so dark. One of those disturbing moments when outside weather synchronize with your inside weather. Lost in processing and solving the fishbone diagram in his head he hardly blink his eyes. Not noticing anyone around him on the way as if sleepwalking. Bus arrived he climbs up still staring into the emptiness. Fortunately when the pain is unbearable our hearts allow numbness to takeover. Except that it does NOT last forever. Reaches home town badly wishing the numbness to stay a bit longer. It all started to fall apart the moment his feet touched the ground. Walking felt like climbing a mountain with two anvils in place of feet. Struggled not to fall in the market place for he was out of breath already. The relief from the sight of the house calmed his pace to an almost stationary point.
Finally home, it was quiet. Siblings are never around, one of the reason to despise it. With a quick Salam to his mother, he rushed to his room. The room looked darker than ever. Before he could walk further he stumbled and fell on the side table with one hand on his heart grasping for air. Tears ran down his face generated by the deep striking pain in the chest and pounding head. A severe panic attack cannot be more accurately interpreted than feeling like it’s your first and last Heart Attack! (To be continued...)